To all the people who are lost and distant

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Hi! It’s been a while since I last wrote something in this blog, a lot has happened since I left. I missed writing, I missed sharing my learnings to people and inspire them with the word of God, but the thing is that I am a whole different person than I was a year ago, I’ve changed drastically in that short amount of time and I went through ups and downs like I am in a roller coaster ride and it is normal, it is life.

So here’s my life after healing.

It all started when I lost communication with God, it was a sudden change of pace, a sudden change of environment. I went back home to my home town and stayed there and I was honestly having a hard time to be close to God because of so many factors and reasons that I can’t even adapt properly anymore. It’s just so different, it’s not what I’m used to, it’s not my comfort zone. That’s when I started to feel the fire slowly burning out.

It’s normal to get lost sometimes, our faith will not always be at its peak, we don’t have a constant fire in our hearts and that’s okay. I’ve been lost for 19 years of my life, I believe that God will find me again! God will always give his grace to those who seek. But one thing that I learned from my mistake is that just because it is normal to not have constant peak of faith doesn’t mean that it should be an excuse to not seek God when the fire of your faith is burned out. God will not come to us when we don’t seek, simply because God’s miracles usually comes from prayers. (Check Matthew 21:22)

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and bipolar associative disorder last year, 2019. My depression became worse and worse every passing day and the more I live with it the more I cannot function. I’ve cut off my communication with my friends and family, isolated myself away from everyone, I didn’t even study at all, skipped classes, didn’t do my clinical requirements, I slept all day like my body was starting to grow its own roots deep into my bed mattress as I was lost and no one could ever understand what I felt that time.

There was a time that my sisterhood (hi mary) told me to pray and everything will be alright, but God was distant as I never felt his presence when I was having the darkest days of my life. I was so blinded by my depression and my anxieties that I didn’t even bother to seek my savior, I didn’t even bother to ask for salvation, for healing. As ugly as it sounds, I didn’t believe that God would heal me. I’ve felt that my depression and anxiety will never leave me and that I’m never going to get better and that it will be a part of who I am for the rest of my life.

I forgot God’s miracles, I forgot how he moved me when I asked for his healing, how he managed to bring back my faith, made me experience his love and greatness and how he blessed me to share his word to people and how he used me, he chose to bless me with his grace to share that blessing to his people. I forgot how he accepted all the burdens I have and I forgot his everlasting grace as I let myself drown in the pits of my depression as I dig a hole deeper and deeper into it that it came to the point of self harm and suicide. I am lost, I am in a very dark place, I committed sins that I once repented on and committed sins that I never imagine that I would ever do in my whole entire existence.

I have struggled academically, spiritually and emotionally throughout that time. The people I love the most judged me, told me It was just an attitude problem, that I really don’t have a disorder and that everything will be fixed when I can finally decide to change. It was toxic for me to not be understood by the people I expect to understand me the most. I had a hard time silencing the voices inside my head. Depression and anxiety is more than just a “big sad” it is not an emotion, it is an actual illness and it should not be something that people underestimate or belittle. Its not just “tamad ka lang” or “maarte” because it is more than that misconception, It is more than emotion and attitude, it is an illness that is fixed by therapy and medicine and I dearly want to be an advocate of mental health awareness because it is more than what you think it is, and people with this kind of invisible illness deserves to be understood and loved when we, who have it lack there of.

Then, I got my heart broken, once again. Like I never learn. But one thing that a pastor once told during one of his sermons, we are living to love and to be loved because love is a God given gift and because our God is a loving God. If we always build up walls, if we always block people, push people away just because we are afraid to get hurt the we are blocking God’s grace to be loved and to love one another. Pain is inevitable in all kinds if love, and pain is learning, pain is something that makes you stronger as a person, pain makes you wiser, makes you more empathetic to others. Pain is a way for us to be closer to Christ.

It has been exactly 13 months of burned out faith, restless anxieties, insomnia, brokenness and depression. It has been a long way but even though I lack faith, I know God will look for me and I will be found once again. That the phase I am having at that time will soon be gone because if you believe in him, you’ll be found no matter how small is your faith. (Please read Matthew 17:20)

Then one cold and dark night, a time where I broke down into pieces once again, God came and hugged me with his presence and I felt it. I bawled my eyes out and cried to him because no one understands the feeling I am feeling that night. I crumbled and crumpled myself as I keep on asking “Lord, embrace me” and even though I was alone, I once again felt his embrace and he’s near. I read the bible and I felt better afterwards as I cried myself to sleep and you won’t believe this but all the raging thunder and storms that my anxieties give me and keeps me up at night was gone as I felt God’s presence (please read Psalm 121:78)

After experiencing God’s love and grace after 13 months of being lost in the dark. I finally found comfort in him once again! Always rejoice and never lose hope! God is with us every step of the way and even though it feels like a lifetime of being distant to God always believe in him. GOD HEALS! And I am a witness of his goodness!

I know that we always have plans for our own but always remember that God’s will will always be the best for us. Let us believe that he will stand with us through all our hardships and brokenness even though it feels like he’s so distant, God will never leave us, he hears out our repentance, he hears out our prayers. Believe that in his will, we will be blessed!

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Before writing this, I have sinned once again and fell into the evil’s temptation. I am so scared that God will not give me grace to finish this writing. But even though I sinned, he still gave me grace to write. We don’t deserve the grace God’s been giving but praise God for giving it to us none the less no matter how unworthy we are. I hope one day you’ll feel his love and presence too! (If ever you are lost) If you have prayer requests kindly leave it in the comments so that I can pray for you!

All in God’s mighty name ❤️

Growth in Christ: Obedience

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Today’s topic speaks to me with all my heart. Obedience one of the hardest things to do in life isn’t it?but it will give you the greatest rewards in life and I’m a living proof of it.

Let’s start this topic light, with obeying your parents

I am guilty of not obeying my parents because I’m blinded by my own wants and desires in life that I forgot about the ones who gave me life and sustaining my needs to keep on living. I forgot about their feelings. I am ever so selfish to think of my own feelings rather than theirs. I forgot that they’re the reason why I am breathing today and why I am living my dream and taking my dream course.

I made them cry like so many times, too many to count and every time tears escape their eyes, then my guilt comes in. But a little too late to realize my mistake isn’t it?

But I realized that after everything that I’ve been through, my parents were right and i wished that I listened to them, if i did then most probably this pain I’m experiencing right now never happened.

But if you’re asking if I regret being hurt by my own mistakes?no. Our mistakes are also our key to our lifelong learnings. Sure, we can listen to other’s advice but lets be honest here, no matter how helpful their advice is, we’ll never understand it unless we experience it.

My greatest learnings are my pain and pain isn’t always a bad thing.

Now let’s talk about how I disobeyed God

God has been calling me to stop making excuses, stop doing those little things that could possibly change my path to the path that I desire, stop being stubborn but if you’re stubborn you’re slowing down the process of healing and learning that God wants me to have.

God is telling me to obey him this time, whole heartedly. God is giving me so much signs that he is not the one for me that I have to let go now but I can’t help but to hold onto my little ball.

My little ball is my little desires, my hopes and the things that I want to happen in my life. My little ball is my regrets and my attachment to people. Its toxic to hold onto the little ball because its a hindrance to God’s plan for me. My little ball prolongs the healing of my broken heart and as well as stops me from letting God and letting the past go. I have up my little ball long time ago but the little ball keeps coming back just because sometimes there are informations that keeps on holding me back but then I realized to give back my little ball to God everytime I’m getting hold of it and its the best decision I’ve made.

Its so hard for me to give up that little ball but I know deep in my heart that its a burden that God wants me to run away from, God wants to take all my burdens because God just loves me THAT much. I’m letting go of my little ball, giving it to Christ our savior because he’ll never hurt me and I know and trust that his plan for me is greater than I could ever imagine, his love will never fail me even though I continuously fail him. I’m forever thankful that I’m in God’s light even though I get lost at times, God finds a way to find me. I’m a lost sheep.

I realized it when I talked about with Mary I know mary nanaman but she’s a big part of my life and she’s like a sister to me, she guided me to be a better person that can adjust to others and to be closer to Christ everyday because every bond with her is always a worship bond. So Mary is you’re reading this, I love you and Thank you for everything.

Back to the topic…

I asked mary to bond with me thru coffee at tim hortons and we talked about the signs that was answered long time ago that I ignored and if you’re asking why would I ask for a sign that I will just ignore? It’s because I’m stubborn and i can’t accept the fact that God’s plan doesn’t coincide with mine and It hurts my ego knowing that I will not get what I want, I usually get tantrums whenever I don’t get what I want but not this time.

I NEED to obey Christ and his will for me, I know na its tough and hard to understand and/or accept that fact pero God’s plan is good, it always is and it never fails. Whenever I feel doubt or scared about the uncertainty of life I always remind myself na “I’m a child of God, he’ll never forsake me” and with that I feel a thousand times better because being secure knowing that God is with you is the best feeling one could ever feel of.

We always seek for strength, we always pray to God that he gives us strength whenever we feel weak and weary. But God works in mysterious ways that a human mind will never understand and/or comprehend but one thing’s for sure, and its that his plan is beautiful, breathtaking and surreal.

What are the three usual things na God does whenever he answers our prayers that we usually almost to never understand?

Waiting

-God wants us to wait because waiting is good and it builds trust to both us and God. Usually a normal human being like me is always in a rush, have a timeline, a timer, tasks and dreams na we want to fulfill at a certain age and its good to have goals and to be task oriented but I once read that God doesn’t rush the things he wants for us to have, sure he has a timeline for us but it is well thought of, God takes things slow and sure and it’s always like that as well as its better to take things slowly but surely instead of rushing things that you’ll regret sooner or later in life. Waiting is difficult because we rush things and we want things to happen in an instant but some things (most of the time) takes time to be at its best and God just wants the best for us. God wants us to trust him in his goodness whenever we wait for things to happen, God would always want the best for his children and believe in that because its true and you’ll never regret being faithful to our lord.

Like I always say: Mangoes are always sweeter when its ripe.

losing

Here’s the thing: The bigger the pain, the bigger the plan he has for us. The longer the wait, the more worthy it is.

Hear me when I say, Losing isn’t a bad thing. It may be in a form of losing a loved one, a sentimental thing, or a battle. Not being able to win is something that is not necessarily a negative thought. Not all losers are actual losers. I believe that nobody is. Losing something or someone can change everything! From your lifestyle, mindset, actions, dreams, goals, thoughts, everything! You name it! Losing is also changing and I hope that it is for the better. I honestly can’t guarantee a good or positive change in people because that’s just false. You change in the way you want to change. It’s all you! If you want to grow in pain and in envy, then most probably you’ll change negatively but if you look at the bad things that has ever happened to you positively, make something good out of it, then that just means that you want something to change for the better. Something God would be pleased of seeing.

I have also lost a lot of people I loved dearly and I’ve also lost battles and I am here to tell you all of it! How it changed me and my way of thinking. I have lost loved ones, my dearest grandparents. They’re in heaven now and I hope they’re still proud of me despite of seeing all those things I did horribly wrong. I’ve loved the wrong person, held to them dearly, did everything to keep them and yet they still left. I lost my battle with my BPD, I nearly faced death by giving up on myself. I had the darkest time of my life this year, 2020. But before that year 2019 onwards has already been a tough one for me.

2020 is nearly ending as I am writing this and I just like to tell you that I am at the peak of my depression as of this moment I am typing this but I have the urge to type all of it away and I feel like God is helping me find the words to finish this year-in-the-making blog. I never seem to find my passion into writing this blog up until now where words just come out rushing as a type on my phone.

I’ve lost so many people and so many battles that I felt sad, betrayed, dirty, humiliated, and defeated but I still find myself back to God after all of it. I am truly surprised as how I felt his presence, it was strong and powerful! Call me a coo-coo but it’s something I haven’t felt in a long time, I know exactly what it was. It was God’s calling.

Let me tell you why I am certain it was God. It has been almost a year of seeking, trying to love God, trying to feel his presence, everything! I’ve done and tried everything but the fire I once had never came. I felt so neutral and so indifferent that it almost felt like it is just a task that I wanted to finish. It wasn’t like before where I feel genuinely happy and safe whenever I am talking to him, Talking about him.

I was talking to my good old bestie, not gonna mention her name because you’re probably all tired of it at this point but yes, sane person I mentioned earlier. She prayed for me and told me that God made her understand my situation and she never got mad at me for what I did when I expected her to be absolutely furious about. Not that I needed that furiousness, I honestly don’t need the only person I trust with my feelings to go all angry birds at me. I felt it. God really answered her prayer and I know it! It was a very strong feeling in my gut. She told me that God will always be there for me waiting for me to come back to him. And you know what? I will.

God doesn’t even need to prove himself to anyone but he still proves his love to us by never leaving our side. We may not feel him but he’s always looking out after us. I feel comforted by that thought. God is there, he knew what I did and he knew what my intentions are. He knows and he understands before we can even act upon our emotions or before we can even comprehend! God is truly amazing! He knows my intentions and I know that he understands me through and through that nobody and I tell you that nobody understands you the way God understands you. I am at ease knowing that God may be distant, and somewhat disappointed in me but he loves me so much that he never left. People leave, God will never do that to you.

I am a very loving person and once I fell in love I’ll do everything for that person. When I mean everything, I mean everything. God always told me to surrender all that love to him and he will give me everything. I obviously did not listen and blindly let myself lose my track, distance myself from God and slowly turn my back on him. I went on a different path, a path no one ever suggested to take as it screams DANGER. I am honestly a very stubborn kid, I will trip a couple of times before I will start to learn and realize what I have done that’s why all the relationships I’ve had failed horrendously and it was all because I was never obedient to Christ.

Hardships

I now started to realize my worth, slowly building myself back up again though I have failed a million of times before I even got up. It’s been two horrible years for me and it was like a landslide of unfortunate events! But I am here to tell you that God is always with us and guiding us throughout our journey is this so called life. I am still fighting, like really hard. So many tears I’ve shed, so many attempts to take the life God has lend me, broke down, and gave up a million of time but when you’re at your lowest, God is there! God is with us. God is with me throughout this journey. Even though I’ve only had downslides and a few up-bumps along the way I still believe that God planned something SO SO GREAT he let me hurt so much, he let me sacrifice too much, he let me feel all these negative feelings because I know that he believes in me and he knows that I can make it through.

A/n: I will add and edit this soon! I will take my time finding verses that will fit perfectly with this blog. I hope you bear with me. I am having a very rough time but I have the urge to write and post this one right now.

Thank you for reading.

Growth in Christ: Repentance

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**Under construction: Minor editing **

Todays topic is about repentance and how it helped me grow as a Christian better day by day.

Repentance, a big word isn’t it?

I am a very sinful person, i have done a lot of sins that are included in the seven deadly sins, even disobeyed some of God’s own commandments. I will not go through them as they are quite personal, but mentioning it is enough to indicate that I am very much a sinner with high cost sins.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:23

Repentance is one of the keys to be a better person, it freed me from my cage that I have been locked in for years, I kept labeling myself for the things that I have done, I have labeled myself worthless, unlovable, weak, dumb, nonsense, useless and many more. My self esteem was down the drain already and every single day another sin has been added I felt like I kept on drowning in this endless pit of sins and I can’t get up.

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

Isaiah 64:6

I will tell you a personal story, I remembered the day when I first went to a Christian worship, it changed my life drastically. I cried a lot because the pastor told us that God is good and he gives us grace even though we sin. Our God is a loving God and he will always forgive us and welcome us whenever we repent. I cried and prayed that I get closer to him, I prayed that God would wash away my dirtiest sins, that God would make me free again.

Indeed sins make you feel caged, locked, Limited.

After few weeks, God answered my prayers in the most bizarre way possible, the way that God only understands, but it worked. God removed a very special person in my life, he’s not dead yet, but I love him dearly, more than anything, literally. Losing him was the most heartbreaking thing that has ever happened to me, this incident lead me to ignite the fire of worship, my desperate need for God’s grace. God answered my prayers in the most bizarre way possible, it was undoubtedly relieving.

God filled the empty hole inside my heart. It is true that God is the only one who can fill our souls satisfaction, not material things, not fame, nothing but God, and God alone. Sure, material things will satisfy us temporarily, but if we seek lifetime satisfaction? Let us seek God, God holds the lifetime satisfaction and fulfillment of our souls.

After seeking God, everything followed, God gave me the grace I needed and I felt free, I felt God’s love, I saw my worth in God’s eyes, I am more than what I think I am, I am a child of God, and that’s what’s important, not my sins and most definitely not my past.

God freed me from my cage of sins.

God healed my pain, I am still wounded I admit but I am no longer bleeding.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we decisives ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteous.

1John 1:7-9

If you want spiritual cleansing, I highly suggest repenting.

But how do we start repenting?

Repentance for me starts with acknowledging our mistakes and then changing for the better.

Acknowledging our mistakes is the first step in repenting, it just means that we are aware of our faulty actions and we are humbling ourselves knowing we have sinned. Knowing that we flawed, it is good, it is the start of our repentance.

After acknowledging our mistakes, after humbling ourselves, we change for the better, we try our best to sin less, we fight the temptations of sin, the addiction it gives, whatever it may be.

Acknowledging mistakes without actually changing means nothing, it doesn’t even mean that we humble ourselves. I know that for a fact. I have been the type of person that acknowledges my mistakes but repeatedly does it for no absolute reason. People left me because of this attitude and I have to accept it, the pain taught me to change, sadly.

Repentance is a battle of our soul, we fight for the good, because a person who believes that God is good and literally abuses it. We don’t deserve the grace of God but he gives it anyway because he loves us ever so dearly, we should change and repent for God’s endless love and grace.

Yes, indeed God is forgiving and loving but a sorry with a repetitive mistake is like putting on a tape on a broken plate, it didn’t cure anything, it just slightly binded pieces together, very flimsy, and can be easily broken by the tiniest of things, it is useless too, as a flimsy plate cannot get hold of things.

Sounds so easy, it’s just acknowledging sins, repentance and change. Simple but so hard to fight for, its so hard to be faithful with our promises to God because the temptations of sin can be very persuasive and as a human being we can’t help but fall for it.

We are sinners, we sin everyday, in our daily lives but what makes a person that repents different from the person that knows his sins but repeats his sins intentionally?

When we repent, we try our best to change, and cautiously do our actions, thinking twice before doing something, fighting off the temptations that the evil gives us no matter how hard, but this doesn’t mean that we don’t sin, because we are humans, we sin naturally, but God knows that when we seek God and his loving grace to help us sin less and serve him more, God appreciates it as well as the other little things that we do for him and only him.

Unlike the old me for example, I know I have sinned, acknowledged it, asked for forgiveness, when I am forgiven I get back to my same old ways after a couple of days and then tell them “whoops, my bad” or “this is me, you should accept me for who I am” I just keep on hurting people that I love, I didn’t even try to change, because I know they love me, I know they will forgive me, I abused that. I abused that fact, and when they got fed up, they leave, leaving me with pain and a lesson too. I don’t know why I am such an awful person before, no one deserves such an awful treatment.

See the difference?

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them find mercy.

Proverbs 28:13

The second key to repentance is forgiving.

Wait… what?

Yes, let’s forgive our brothers and sisters, let’s forgive the people who did us wrong, who violated us in a way.

I know its hard, I find it hard to do so too. Pray, God will give you the grace to do it.

Why forgiveness is a part of repentance? Repentance will set you free and so does forgiveness.

For me, forgiveness means humbling ourselves too, not just acknowledging our mistakes but as well as others. That we sin as humans and as long as there is love in our hearts, there’s the grace of our God, then there is our inner peace.

God loves you.

John 3:16

Seek God today, seek his love and his grace, everything will follow.

Repent today, take confession, acknowledge our sins, change for the better.

This topic makes us deeply mature and free at the same time.

Salvation is found in no one else there is no other name under heaven given to men, by which we must be saved

Acts 4:12

I am Loved

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I am Loved by so many people. I am Loved by God, my family, and my friends.

But why do I seek love from others that does not want me back? Or atleast not anymore?

Why do I seek attention and affection from someone that wants to be separated from me and doesn’t want anything to do with me and my doings?

Just why?

I am not the person that has been abandoned by parents or have a very awful family history. I consider myself lucky that I have a complete, loving, and supporting family that cares for me and wants the best for me.

But why do I still seek such affection?

I have christ centered friends, I have friends ever since elementary, friends from highschool who loves me and cares for me for years of my existence. They’ve seen my ups and downs and they still appreciate me for who I am. I have asked them if I was an awful friend and they said no. I’m not the greatest of help or the biggest advice giver but I listen. I may not always be there when you need me but I’ll try to be there when I can.

But why do I still seek such attention from somebody else?

God, who loves me through all my sins, God who accepted me for who I am. God who saw the worth in me as a person, as a flawfull human being. God loves me even though im broken, even though I have greatly sinned, even though I am stubborn, even though I am not Worthy of his love. God still gives me his best, God still gives me his everlasting love, God still listens, God sees my whole worth, God still gives great blessings to me and God still cares for me.

But why do I seek such approval from someone that is not God?

I am who God tells me to be, not by the label of others, not by what they think of me, not by my past mistakes.

Its a battle between human instinct and faith, honestly. Its really hard to stay in the lane of faithfulness when you’re full of doubts. But with God’s words, God’s promise is there, its alive. It takes time, but it will be worth it.

I hope that God would strengthen my faith to fight my battles, my fears, my worries and my anxieties.

God is bigger than all my burdens in life combined.

God is always with me, with us

Let us seek love, attention, compassion and approval from God before anything or anyone else in this world. It will make a world of a difference when you put God first above all.

GROWTH IN CHRIST:Gratitude

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Hi everybody, this is inspired by one of my closest friends Mary Pacis, the writer under the account Grow_in_Christ.

There are different kinds of growth. There’s a physical, mental, spiritual and emotional growth. But there’s nothing that will compare to our overall growth with christ for he makes us grow in all aspects of life as a better human being especially to others.

This is the series called GROWTH IN CHRIST where I tackle different aspects that makes us grow better day by day as a Christian seeking for his love and mercy everyday of our lives.

Here are some of my learnings through Christ our Lord that helped me get through the toughest problems I have faced.

Hopefully this could get you to be inspired and seek Jesus today.

So the first topic I will devote today is

Gratitude

I am a Christian seeking God everyday. I have a very troublesome past with my faith in God. Before everything, before hitting my rock bottom. I have forgotten to thank God for his goodness everyday. I have became the Christian that goes to church every Sunday and pray but goes back to the same old loop of sins I’ve been doing in a constant, I have forgotten to thank him for a new day, for the passing grades ive been praying for, for having a loving and complete family, I have forgotten him and my gratitude for him because of the things I have thought these things were naturally occurring.

I have been a materialistic person my whole life too. Jesus changed my life day by day as I seek him more and more. I remembered when I asked my dad for a new phone, it was a new Samsung model, s10. But my dad was so scared to confront me that he cannot afford a fifty thousand peso worth of a phone since his job didn’t comply to the bonus that they promised. My dad was worried sick as he knows me as the person that would be so mad if I didn’t get what I want. He chatted me early in the morning to tell me the news, I did take it well, with God’s loving grace I took it well and told my dad not to worry for I know that he will give me everything I want if he can, because I know how much my dad loves me, I know how much he wants to make me happy. Knowing he loves me so much and he is willing to give me everything just to make me happy makes it all worth it, my dad is worth the understandings and love. In God’s grace, in his words, money is not important nor fame, nor material things. I remembered how only material things made me happy and satisfied in life, but God changed me into the person I am right now that would seek him for my happiness, seek him for the fullness of my heart. I have learned through this process that if you seek happiness in material things, you’ll never be satisfied. Material things are temporary and so do your happiness that comes out of it.

God gives us blessings to get through the day but as a human being that sins, a human being that is innately greedy that is full of desires, we tend to ask for more. We seek for more than life could offer.

This is unfair, we complain a lot out of envy as other people have better lives than others, people can sometimes blame God for all of their failures and all of their problems but that’s not the case.

As human beings, we’re blinded with material things as well as social media bragging. These things we see that we cannot have because we are lacking the money to do so therefore envy leads us to these never ending wants that we never really needed in the first place. These are the lack of satisfaction we’re feeding ourselves into.

“For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.”

Luke 12:34

Just means that if we put our heart in our money and in our material things, then there’s where our heart belongs as well.

But if we treasure our faith in God, then our heart is with him.

God is a loving God, and God will never harm any of us for we are his beloved. He wants us to be in heaven with him and God is so great he let down the heavens on us with Jesus!

God is so great he gives us another day everyday to live our daily lives, closer and closer to our dreams as day passes by. The problem is we don’t get to appreciate his blessings because we strive for the bigger ones in life. We strive for money or a new house but God gives us blessings everyday, blessings that sometimes we choose to ignore.

What can we do?

I have read some Bible verses that helped me understand more about gratitude, that gratitude is not just about mindset and giving.

“Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use. It will be measured to you.”

Luke 6:38

Never forget to share and give when God gives us blessings. He gives us lifelong blessings to be a blessing to others as well.
Always be thankful for what we have, for Contentment is the key to happiness.

And the message I am trying to pertain today for our growth in christ:

“Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.”

Psalm 132:26

Praise Jesus today, for he is a good, loving and generous God.

Let’s strengthen our faith in our Lord!

I’m not yet ready

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I’m not yet ready to face the world alone. I am still bothered by some stuff I saw online, I am not ready to see him on social media or alive in person.

One day, I saw his name on my dog’s instagram account. It was okay but there’s a slight weird feeling I’m having, indicating that I haven’t moved on completely.

I believe that God will fulfill the emptiness in me. When I think of him from time to time, I would always tell myself that “God will give me a man that would pursue me and would love me and would fear for me to leave.” then I feel okay, then I feel better.

I hold onto God’s promise. But while that is happening, I am bettering myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I want to be ready for the man that God would give me. I want to be my best state when I meet him.

Its love month, February where all couples get to show their love and closeness to each and every platform they can use to share their romantic escapade. That’s why I am a strong advocate of social media cleansing. Because I see other people’s posts about how tough and strong they stayed, how they fought for the love they have. Its good, I wish them the best.

But seeing all of it was not the best feeling for me. I am the type of person that was left for no absolute reason, I am the person that was left because he got tired of me, I am the type of person that is alone because he didn’t see the future in me anymore, I am the type of person that was easily dumped. The person that was dumped in a heartbeat, I was dumped without guilt, I was dumped without regrets.

For me, I lost it. I lost everything from myself. I lost my courage and I lost my confidence. I lost my identity,I was left alone empty. That’s why I begged for him to stay. But like it or not we have to respect their decision, good or bad we have to accept it.

I am currently at the state of self love, accepting myself, making sure I’m not so harsh on myself whenever I fail or do stuff that has lack of analysis. I am building myself to a stronger, more independent me. A spiritual God fearing woman I want to become. A mentally mature and stable person. I want to be ready, to be worth the pusuit.

But God, no matter how much I have sinned, no matter how much I ran away from his love, he looked for me. God loved me, God pursued me. I am a sinner that has no right to be persuaded by the greatest king, but his love is the greatest and he showed me the love that no human could ever meet. God is good, he lifted me up from my drowning. God will always be my salvation.

I will be ready in my own time. I believe in God’s own time for me to be loved and pursued, he is telling me its not the right time. I don’t have to rush things so quickly. Now, I am appreciating my family and friends, as well as myself. I have been doing great stuff for myself. I want to be a blessing to others as well, be a little more selfless day by day. God changed me into someone greater than I am without him. His words are finally ignited and alive in my heart. I hope to have a stronger faith, a selfless heart and a more mature mind someday soon.

For now I’m ever so vulnerable with my thoughts and feelings where a slight reminder of him makes me feel icky and weird. The memories are still painful but bearable. I know I am not yet ready to face the world. I am not strong enough to go back to the places we likely to go to. Im not really strong enough to face everything. Not today but soon enough God will give me the strength to face the places alone, to meet my ex without a pinch of pain in my heart that I was left alone so brutally. That God will give me the strength to stand on my own two feet.

God’s will shall be done. And I cant wait for the greatest blessing he wants me to wait for. I know its worth all the pain and suffering now, I just have to wait.

Its all worth it

Lifted

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I lifted all my worries, my fears, my doubts, my burdens, my dreams, and my wants to the Lord. He knows what I need and he knows what you need too.

Here’s the thing, I get to miss my ex from time to time longing for the bond that we have shared for two years and a few months as bestfriends and as a couple. I cried a lot, I bursted into tears as I dwell.

The urge to contact him was always there.

Its a battle I fight whenever I feel distress and whenever I feel longing for that person, I just cry out of frustration and pray to God.

Here’s my open prayer to God

Dear God almighty,

Lord, I pray for my continuous healing, I pray for self love, I pray that you cast out all the burdens I have today and for the future. Help me respect myself lord, help me to regain the courage I have lost, regain me as your child. Lord, please be patient with me as I am still hurting, I am still a wreck inside, help me regain myself lord, define me in your words and call me by my name. Claim my heart and soul to be yours forever and not by others. I uplift all my wishes to you lord, whatever it is you plan for me, your will shall be done. For you are good and you’ll never forsake me for I am your child. I am your beloved. Heal me lord, touch my heart and soul. In your mighty name,

Amen

FOOLPROOF TIPS TO MOVE ON (Gabbie style)

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*Under construction: needs minor editing*

Hi there, I know you’re struggling with letting things go but I’m here to help you with tips that I have mastered, that I have tried and tested with myself as I have experienced my first ever heart break.

This tips are fool proof and everyone can do it, its very hard to move on from something you’ve attached yourself so hard with but these tips will slowly loosen those attachments that will lead to a better life ahead.

These tips helped me grow spiritually and mentally as an adult person that cannot accept that she is entering the life of adulthood. As we all know, I am a dentistry student and it will take more years for me to finish college, and since I am still a student now and two years more to go, I dont really feel adulthood as I am still being fed and clothed by my ever so loving parents.

Plus I also shared the Bible verses that healed me and still keeps on healing me. Hopefully the word of our Lord would lighten our burdens and uplift all the pain we are feeling as of this moment.

So here are my 10 super important tips to help you move on from your attachments in life:

  1. FIGHT THE THOUGHTS

You’re still thinking about him? Of course you do. You have to fight it trust me it works. Whenever I think about my attachments with someone, the good ol’ memories, I fight it. I think about something good, I think about the clouds or the flowers around me, sometimes as weird as it sounds I talk to myself, but the best is when I talk to God.

Your thoughts are your enemies here, its really simple to think about the memories but it will make you dwell, it will make you suffer in the long run. So while you’re still vulnerable, fight it, God is with you, pray that he will give you the strength to fight your battles and slowly you can see yourself improving.

“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.”

Isaiah 43:18

2. DO NOT CARE

As awful as it sounds, trust me its not. Its going to be good for you in the long run. And besides you do not care because that attachment in your life has already detached themselves away from you.

You shouldn’t care with the people who have decided to separate their ways with you.

Do not care of what he is doing, do not care of what he is thinking, do not care if he is flirting with his ex, do not care at all. God will guide him into something great, so leave it all up to the Lord. Care for yourself. Care of what you’re doing. You’re dwelling again? Crying like a potato? Stand up for yourself, pray. Do what you can do.

Its very related with our number 1 tip, you have to fight it, but caring for someone you love is innate. You cannot unlove someone thats for sure but you have to fight that love and care to better yourself, to be a stronger version of yourself.

“I loved you at your darkest“

Romans 5:8

3. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS

this will be more likely to be rewritten in my family category. But I am a strong advocate of this one. Listen and listen good, I remember myself as the type of person that never listen. Like ariana grande’s new song (7rings) “I want it, I got it.” I am that type of person, whatever I want, I have to get, disregarding all the feelings my parents have. I regret it big time, if I have listened to them, I am heck of a sure I’m not a wreck today. But again, life needs to have it ups and downs and this is specifically my down.

Listen to your parents, they will guide you to a better you, it may not sound right in the beginning as we are blurred with the visions of ourselves and our endless wants but we will thank them for it soon.

God will not make a commandment to honor your mother and father if he did not know what is the best for us, God knew that our parents would love us the way he did, I have experienced that for a fact. God’s love is beyond everything in this world but a parents love is above the love of any human being combined in this world to offer just to protect you and love you, a parents love is secondly to God’s love.

“Cast all your cares upon him, because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

4. BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM

This one is something that I am trying my very best to do so. Self love. Easy to say, harder to do. Self love is different from narcissism, we should know whats the difference between the two (which I will be getting deeper into in my next blog posts) .

I used to be a narcissistic person but then I have lost all of my confidence in me when I was left by a certain person I got so attached with, my attachments with him are so tight it hurts to let go, therefore I begged and it stooped my confidence level down the drain.

Psychologically speaking, people are more likely not attracted to the people that they see dependent on others.

I, personally think that I depended my entire life on him, that we argue? Nope, cannot function. He can’t come? Nope, I’m gunna hide away from my daily responsibilities. Even my chores, I depended it on him, which sucks. I saw my life like it, if I have continued to do my old ways, I’ll probably suck at life now. I am still not confident and self loving as I was before or as I wanted to be but I know someday soon I’ll get there and I’ll be proud of myself for sticking up for myself and getting up from this drowning, sinking confidence.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, you are mine.”

Isaiah 43: 1 b

5. NEVER REGRET ANYTHING

You did not treat him well? You regret the things you’ve done? You keep on telling yourself that “ah, I shouldve done this… that” but lemme tell you, whatever you did in the past cannot change no matter how much you try to change it, change your now. What went wrong? Focus on it, change it. What are the cause of arguments? Analyze and change. what caused the toxicity in your relationship? Think, make a list, change everything that caused pain and suffering. Change for the better. Change for the people around you that love you, the people that stayed and still believes in you, change for yourself.

Regrets will lead you to dwelling and you’re gonna start at level 1 of grieving again. Life is full of failures, and its full of chances too. Its never too late to change yourself for the better. People lost hope on you? Why do you think we have to bother? Always remember that God no matter what, never lost his hope for you and loves you so much nothing in this world could compare to God’s loving grace. It doesn’t matter what other people would think of you. People are in-born judgers and God will never judge you as long as he sees you repent and fully change for the better and for the good. Trust me, others opinion on you will be irrelevant.

Improve for God.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, bud God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 73:26

6.ACCEPTANCE

Accept that people have their own thinking. They have their own perspectives in life, they have their own choices to make and so do you. Its their choice to leave you and you have to respect that personal decision of theirs. You cannot really beg or plead for someone to stay, because whatever you do, like it or not they’ll leave if they really want to and stay if they want to stay. God gave us an amazing person to share our lives with, but sometimes in a snap, God can take that amazing thing away from you, not to make you feel upset or broken, but for you to grow a little bit bigger as a Christian, get a little bit closer to him.

God is good, every suffering we have, every struggle, always remember God has hisown Godly reasons and those reasons are for our good. So accept, because there’s a sunshine and rainbows at the end of your thunderstorms.

Smile, lift it all up to the Lord and have faith in him and his will.

“And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

7. GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA

I believe people are so into social media and social media causes us to envy others as we see them having sweet escapades, worldwide trips, couple goals, every luxury you can think of. This wants are toxic for our mindsets, wanting material things or wanting a boyfriend when you know you’re not ready to. Off topic but…

Social media can give you stress and more dwellings. For example, me, I am blocked by my ex on Facebook, so I borrow other people’s account to look onto what he is doing. I look onto every nooks and crannies that social media has to offer. What did I see? Happiness that I am gone, subtle flirting with his ex, and even planning dates already! its not even a month of our separation. Did it do me good? Heck no. I just hurt myself and my progress of moving on. He has moved on long before you do, so what? Move on now. If he can move on from everything, then you can too. The heartbreaks and the emptiness will be temporary and someday you will heal completely and you’ll be ready to face the world again. So don’t speed up your process, if he can move on as fast as lightning and you can’t, its okay. Take small little steps, you’re going to get there, you’ll be okay, you’re with God, and with God, nothings going to harm you because he will protect you.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be moved.”

Psalm 55:22

8. FOCUS ON YOUT GOALS

What are your wants? Write a check list of your wants and dreams, write a weekly plan, monthly plan, and a yearly plan. Focus on it, focus on the things you want to do. Focus in the happiness you’re looking for. And of course, pray. God will give us strength and grace to focus on our daily lives even though we are hurt and think about our exes from time to time but slowly, it will be gone and you’re going to be alright plus you will be able to achieve your dreams slowly but surely.

“So then let those who suffer according to the will if God entrust their souls to a faithful creator as they do good.”

1 Peter 4:19

9. LOOK FORWARD

Always look forward and never look back. Throwbacks are pains of the past which causes more dwellings. Its a past for a reason, memories. Your vulnerability wouldn’t take it yet, so burry it for a while, take a step back and take time for yourself. Think about the future and not dwell on the past. My ex boyfriend told Mr not to dwell on him and focus on myself and I did, not for him but for myself. I burried our memories as I cannot take the pain it offers. When I am healed and I can stand on my own two feet I can dig back to those memories, those memories shouldn’t be forgotten because its good and bad memories you’ll learn from and cherish from. You can’t really forget but you can burry it for a moment when you are still weak. It will help with moving on too.

“He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

Last but the MOST IMPORTANT PART

10. LIFT IT UP TO THE LORD

Lift everything up to him, you cannot really dictate your future but God can dictate it for you as long as you follow his will. Who knows in the future you and your ex can be friends, can be lovers again and you can be back to total strangers. Who knows? God knows. He will help you with the pain, he will help you with the suffering, he will guide you. He will never leave you alone, so lift everything up to him, offer all the love you have for him, and you will never be hurt as long as you are with God.

Always remember he separated us for something good. For us to grow and mature better individually as a fully functioning adult and to be better for our future husband and wife. I maybe you two in the end or it may be someone God has planned for you.

I know, this is the hardest tip on moving on, is to uplift, as we are human beings, we have our own wants and ideals in life, sometimes we pray to the Lord to ask him to give is what we want and not what we need.

God’s path is the best path for us.

Never question his path for you because he will never burden you with something that is not worth your pain. You may feel pain and distress now but it will make you grow better as a person it will make you stand alone in your own two feet it will make you closer to God and it will make you see his miracles day by day.

Lifting everything up to the Lord was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

Let go and let God.

Because, God always provides.

“The Lord is near the broken hearted; he delivers those who are discouraged.”

Psalm 34:18

Welcome to my blog!

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Thank you for joining me as I share my life long experiences, learnings and memories!

Special thanks to Mary Pacis as she encouraged me to start this blog. She saw the potential in my writings and I have decided to share it with the world!

This blog is personal and imperfect, created with passion and a heart as I want to share the light that I have seen through the darkest days of my life and to inspire others that have been or will be experiencing my own struggles so that I could spread positivity in their life.